Talk about awkward !!!!

Ok, talk about awkward. Ok, so apparently there is this guy at school. And hes a freshman, and i was just like being stupid, and asked him. Would u to prom with me? ( Of course i was kidding, cuz who in there right mind would ask him to any dance in that fact.

What ever so i asked him, and I started laughing, and i went back to my conversation with Jessica. When all of sudden, he tells me, yah i'd go to your prom with you.

And i was like. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? I was all like dude i am just kidding, and he was all like, well im not. Then he goes on and tells me that he likes, me and he thinks im cute.

Mind you this was like the first time, that we have like EVER talked. like ever. And im like, ok who are, your weird.

Then he goes on to ask me for my number. So i did, but it was the number, for the rejection hotline. I got the number from ma friend Claudia, (another freshman, hella cool girl btw.) And yah, i could just imagine his face, when he heard the recording. I bet it must have been hilarious.

So, yah, now hez like hovering around me, randomly facebooking me, so im like. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO go away. I feel awkward, and totally weirded out. And just a little like, BLAHHH to be honest.

All Hell is Going to Break Loose

Never in my life have I ever felt true hatred for another individual. I always thought that it was impossible for me to hate another human being. Sure I can get mad and pissed off, and hold the occasional grudge. But never hate.

But I was proven wrong, I;m not going to go into detail because i don't want to get pissed off again.

All day I've been hiding it, hope I did a good job, I have a feeling I did because no body came up to me "ohh whats wrong?"

I seriously can't let this get to me, not now. I will not let this fuck me over. I have far to much at stake, the play being one of them. I have worked way to damn hard on it, i will not let this ruin me.

I seriously do want to fast forward to when my life is normal. And I "hope to god" am a political powerhouse in my country, and an individual of great power and influence.

I really do want to fight back, but I have to stay cool and let the first shot be fired. But i saw to you all now, it shall not come from me. For I am the better party.

Just feeling random. lol

Ok. so here i am chilling with the girls, lol. Yah, dnt really feel like blogging lol. Were on this thing called Chat Roulette.

Its so funny and stupid. All you do, is video chat with random people in the world.
So yah were just being dorks lol.

C yah peeps.

Tired!!!!!

I'm really super tired. I shit you not people, i went to bed at 3:10 this morning.
I had a lot, thinking to do last night.
And I also saw Milk.
I just love that movie.

I'm really really sleepy. Its 1st period and i'm all ready falling asleep.
Not looking forward to play practice. I have this really, REALLY huge feeling that I am like going to pass out or something.

You know, I all ready did my APUSH project, and it looks great, so I think I am just going to take a nap. My head is already hurting like crazy, and I have five more periods to go. Fuck.

"Sigh"

Had a very, weird day today.

But kicked ass in practice today.

I really am starting to get nervous about the play. Like some of us, don't know some of our lines. Some dance numbers are, not as good as others.

But guess what, we always make it in the end. YAY!!

Heads people. as the play gets closer. The less frequent,my updates will be.

Love you people. MUAH!!

Ehhhhh

Not much happening. Just having play practice and school.

Play practice today, was a bitch. Im so happy that my dance bit did not happen yet. otherwise i would have died, and Ms.Carroll would have killed me.

I have 90% of the dance down so ughh. And when i get i get. I am never stopping to practice it, until the play is over.

shit

ok so here we r in school. There is some guy running around close to my school with a GUN!!!! Yah we can hear the sound of the sirens. its scary

Shocked

Talk about shock.
So here I am doing my homework, and Josh calls me. I was like hey whats up.
Then he just just shrikes at me. having a bad day.
I told him, sorry to hear that.
But Josh, says. Don't be sorry for me. I can handel things on my own.

I sort of got kinda of annoyed, cuz here i am trying to be nice. And here he is yelling at me. I dnt think so.
So i really did start bitching at him.

I was like, how dare you, talk to me like this. you barely know me. Then he said something that just threw me over the edge.
"well i know you enough to figure you'r easy."

I was like. Bitch, you did not just fucking say that to me. How fucking dare you say that. You know I just started tlkng 2 u in da 1st place cuz i figured, ehh ur desperate be nice.I then told him to never call me again and i hung up.

U knw how dare he say that to me.
ME OFF ALL PEOPLE!!!

Anyway, today I kicked ass on my play practice. Yay me!

On a much lighter and happy note. Andrew and I are friends now. Seriously I'm like breathing a sigh or relief
cuz now life is going to be a much more cool between us. Sides we both have a huge road ahead of us, with some other issues.
But like i told him, I will give it my best to help him.
But more importantly I told, him that i just want him to be happy.

Also tomorrow, i have my interview with my recruiter. A little nervous, just think that i am going to make a huge fool of myself or something u knw, I am seriously going to have to be as straight as possible. Maybe I'll ask Andrew for tips on how 2 b straight lol. jkjkjk

OMG!!!!!

Ok, so usually I put pictures on my blog, but I am to excited to do so today.

After I got picked up today, I came home, did my homework and went to Costco.
At Costco I went off to do my own thing, and i went off to go to the place were all the books are on sale.
I picked up Sarah Palin's book, Going Rouge. (I was just curious) then this guy walks up to me and says.
OMG, please tell me that you are not going to buy that book.
And I said, well whats wrong if i decide to buy it?
He then said the funniest thing ever, "Its Sarah Palin for god sakes."
All i could was laugh.

We then introduced ourselves, he was all like im Josh. And i was like i'm Frank.
Then we started talking about politics, and started to share Palin quotes lol.
It was funny how he said, "I can see Russia from my house!"
We just kept talking, and talking. Then ten minutes passed, and my mom calls me. "Were are you? We are leaving!"
I tell Josh, that I had to go. I say bye. Nice talking to you. Then he asks me, "hey do you have a phone?" And I said yah.
He then he ask's me for my number. And I give it to him.
We've been txting for a while now. And yah, he'z cute.
Wish me luck guys. :D

Im seriously thinking, 2 myself. Really God? And the timing. I seriously am still in shock, and disbelief.

Im going to join the National Guard

So, I am having some serious thoughts of joining the National Guard.
Many of you might be thinking Frank you are completely crazy. You are going to get killed. But as many of you know the National Guard is the home Army, that deals with National Emergencies.

Main reason that i want to join is to help me get through college. Me personally i know that i can afford college without any help. But i am doing to help the cost, because i don't want to be in debt my whole life. But the main number one reason is to serve my Country.

I all ready have this huge thing planned out for my military service.
I am being completely serious with this, I'm so serious about that a recruiter is coming to school on Friday around 10 am to interview me.

I'm just a little nervous, I have so many questions to ask the recruiter, but one thing is that I am not afraid to die for my country.

Sigh.......

So as many of you know I have a very big crush on Andrew. It has
been a very difficult time for me because I really do like him. But I
have to let him go,and move on. It's really hard for me to do this
because I feel like I am slowly dying on the inside.

I hate this feeling, i know that he is straight and that nothing would
have had happened between us.

But at least we are friends now, and i really do wish that the
friendship between him and I will never go away.

This is going to be the most difficult time for me,trying to move on
and keep and establish this new friendship.

We were at a retreat these past two days. Last night I really did need to
talk to him. I started to tell him that I was really sorry that i ever asked him out to Sadies,
and that I told him about my real feelings.
Then I really just started crying without control.
I was heartbroken, that night I cried my self to sleep.
The next morning, i just cried and cried. But on the way to the back,
home on the bus, i really did try to put it all behind me, and to forget.
But I wasn't strong enough, and i cried all the way back to school.

But I guess this is for the best, I am just really scared that I will
not be strong enough to be in this ordeal and that I will end up collapsing
emotionaly.

As I told him, the fact that I know that nothing will happen and me
having such strong feelings for him. It does make me die inside, you feel
hollow and helpless. But I at least will have the everlasting love and
support of my friends.

Andrew I'm glad that you were not a jerk, and did not toy with my emotions,
just like countless others have. And also that you are willing to put this behind us.
I'm sorry that I ever did this to you, im happy that it wasn't
awkward for you. But it really is heartbreaking for me.

Should I Give Up?

Okay so yah i have a huge crush on him. But I don't know if I should just give up on him, because if I don't I am just going to end up seriously hurting myself when the reality of things starts to crash in on me. But if i do give up, then that makes me like a quitter and I just, idk

On the other hand im sure that nothing will ever happen between us. I'm, just scared you know. I don't want to be taken for a fool, or for some desperate guy, but at the same time i really don't want 2 let him go . I just really really do like him, but like my mom said. If I really do like him then i should let him go. I don't think i can do that though.

I really do not know what to do.. what do you think i should do?

So anyways the dance is tonight, and if he does go to the dance, i really really REALLY do hope that I could dance, at least one song with him.

Nervous as hell!

Aside form the fact that i have a mass tomorrow a test and i quiz, that is not the main reason why i am nervous.

As you have guessed it, I am super nervous about the dance. I have an idea of what i will wear, but as many of you guys figured that is what i am not nervous about.

If you read yesterdays post then you would know exactly why I am nervous. I know it may be taboo for some fo you, but me its like a big thing lol.

I know that it may like never happen, but i really wish that i would at least have one dance with him. I really, really, REALLY do hope that it happens. But i highly doubt it ohh well.

One big thing that i am, hoping is that i do not make a huge fool of myself regardless if he is there or not. I have the tendency to really get into the music and i just start dancing like crazy. lol. And i always have to watch out that i am not doing something that would get me into trouble. But i always make sure that i keep it PG-13 lol.

Anyways on a side note, I found out today, that my Junior Ring Ceremony and my AP Test is on the same exact day.
I am so sad, and pissed.
Sad and pissed because i have been looking forward to it for two years. I finally arrive to my Junior and I have to take the AP test. Not happy. And to top it off I'm missing out on singing one of my most favorite mass songs. I just really want to cry.
Didn't the administration see that they had some conflicting dates? There is nothing I can do anyway, I just pray that I do well on my test, and that the others really do enjoy the ceremony.
Also there are only 6 of us that are missing. 3 of them (including me) are really bummed out, the other 3, really do not care. Just really sad, but hey what can i do.

Well i have another mass tomorrow morning, and i have to "look" rested and sing my heart out.
Night People.

My Crush

Ok. So for starters, I really like this guy at my school. His name is Andrew, sure he is shorter than me, but he has this persona about him that , just idk. lol

It all started about a year ago, we were Sophomores (were Juniors now). I had this huge thing for this other guy my freshman year. But then i saw him for who he really is, and now i dont like the guy anymore.

Last year i had like this huge self-esteem boost. And i started to really come out of my shell, and i noticed Andrew. It was at lunch, and he was with a group of friends. And i was with my friends, i happened to look over and i saw him. I was like, WOW!!!! Ever sense then, I've always thought of him as very very cute.

But it wasn't until this year that I really did start to notice him. His smile, and he is very built. So that is a plus lol.

He gives me that butterfly feeling every time i see, him. And i just feel funny in a good way. lol

Me i have a reputation for being a huge bitch, and he idk i just open up, and i let my guard down. (Lol as i type this im getting that butterfly feeling in my stomach lol.) IDK i just really really like him :)

I have 3 classes with him, 1,2 and 4. And i tell my self everyday, "try to make an impression"
But like always I end up not doing anything, or when i do I end up looking like a fool.

So there is this dance, coming up on Friday and i want to ask him to it. But like really ask him. Sure i did allready at school, but it was a little awkward. And i was turning so red, i was nervous as hell my pulse was racing. Then i saw him, and i was like. Ohhh shit, moment of truth.

So then i asked him. "Hey Andrew are you going to Sadies?" (Thts the name of the dance btw) And he said "That yes, he might go." And the first thing came to my head was, ohhh shit he has a date. Well i immediately said "Oh, with who?" He just said, "no one." So then just as i was about 2 ask him. he said "u better not ask me to the dance." So i said, "Yah i am." Then i said it, "Andrew would you go 2 the dance with me?" And he just looked at me, i looked at him, and i was thinking to myself. "Ohh shit, way to go Frank, you totally fucked up big time. Way to go" after a long pause of like what seemed an hour, all he said, "maybe ill c you there." And i was "cool"

Oh my god, my heart was never racing any faster. Ive have sung infront of 350 people, done musical performances infront of like 400-500 people. And i always kept my cool. But that was the first time that i was actually nervous.

I really really REALLY like this guy, and he knows that, and he is really cool about it. I mean he's not proud of it duhh. He'z straight but. At least he is not being an ass about it. And i really really do appreciate that.

Well i think i'ma leave it at that,
And I leave with these last few word.
Night, Andrew.

Jessica: the person who gets me through

Ok you see that girl on the ^ that girl up there. Her name is Jessica she is the best friend that any person in the world could have.

So let re-wind to three years ago when we were freshman. This is the story of how we became friends.

It was the day before school started and we were in Freshman Orientation. Were just getting to know the school,and each other. So we have some freshman orientationl things that we did and the time came for us to go out for lunch. We had the option of hamburger or hotdog. I go to the line to get a hamburger, and i was thinking to myself "i should get a veggie burger" then Jessica comes up to me and says "are you a vegetarian?" I so "nope i just want to taste it to see if it's good or not." She then tells me "OMG me 2. high five" We get our burgers and we sit down with other people. Then out of the blue i start to choke on air, then 2 seconds later, Jessica starts choking on air 2. We looked at each other and just started to laugh. It was from there that we knew that that was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Three years latter, we are still the same dorks that we were that one day. Except that we a more close.

We go to Starbucks every week, and have lots of super fun when we go, because we act like total dorks. There are times when we go out to lunch and just catch up with one another. It is safe to say that we are best friends forever. Lol, she is my rock, she the one who is there for me when ever i am down, and when ever i have boy drama lol.

I love her so so so much, and i have no clue what i would do without her.
LOVE U JESSICA!