Sigh.......

So as many of you know I have a very big crush on Andrew. It has
been a very difficult time for me because I really do like him. But I
have to let him go,and move on. It's really hard for me to do this
because I feel like I am slowly dying on the inside.

I hate this feeling, i know that he is straight and that nothing would
have had happened between us.

But at least we are friends now, and i really do wish that the
friendship between him and I will never go away.

This is going to be the most difficult time for me,trying to move on
and keep and establish this new friendship.

We were at a retreat these past two days. Last night I really did need to
talk to him. I started to tell him that I was really sorry that i ever asked him out to Sadies,
and that I told him about my real feelings.
Then I really just started crying without control.
I was heartbroken, that night I cried my self to sleep.
The next morning, i just cried and cried. But on the way to the back,
home on the bus, i really did try to put it all behind me, and to forget.
But I wasn't strong enough, and i cried all the way back to school.

But I guess this is for the best, I am just really scared that I will
not be strong enough to be in this ordeal and that I will end up collapsing
emotionaly.

As I told him, the fact that I know that nothing will happen and me
having such strong feelings for him. It does make me die inside, you feel
hollow and helpless. But I at least will have the everlasting love and
support of my friends.

Andrew I'm glad that you were not a jerk, and did not toy with my emotions,
just like countless others have. And also that you are willing to put this behind us.
I'm sorry that I ever did this to you, im happy that it wasn't
awkward for you. But it really is heartbreaking for me.